Larry David’s Modest Proposals for the Democratic Socialists of America – USFTB

I recently attended a meeting of the Democratic Socialists of America, where I officially enrolled as a member. Though I was new to the party, I put forth a number of proposals, many of which were met with considerable enthusiasm and, I’m happy to report, have now been incorporated into their manifesto. I present them herein.

1.

Let’s never forget we’re all in this together. Therefore, we have determined that all doors to private homes must remain unlocked at all times. Strangers may enter as they please to open your fridge, use your bathroom, floss, or just relax and watch a ball game. This open-door policy is the perfect way to get to know our fellow Americans.